Ms. Sarah's last day

A day i've been dreading for over a year now, finally came to pass--Sarah's last day.

Friday June 6 marked the end of a 3 year relationship with Sarah and I have been bawling all week over it. The reasons are endless, but most importantly, she was a second mom to our girls, a loving, Godly surrogate to them who raised them as her own. We had our ups and downs over the 3 years like any friend or relationship would, but I can't believe it's over.

On the way in, we stopped to get a few things to shower Sarah with her favors--Coca Cola, chocolate,   flowers, and balloons, and Amara suggested her "mocha" from McDonalds--a treat for her too :) The girls have come to know her so very well too, I'm not sure she even realizes how much.

When we got there and the girls started showering gifts on her, Sarah and I were both crying. The girls were looking at us like we had three heads, but we knew why. I know they don't get the entire impact of all of this and for me that is part of the sadness. The first day I left the girls there. Nursing Cora when I came to get her from work, and chatting with Sarah. Watching Amara grow up with a  "brother" like Jonathan--and I wonder, "how much will they even remember?"

Sure, Sarah took a lot of photos and we will get together and Skype, etc. but I feel my heart will break if the girls forget even a second of the time they all spent together. I know I won't. I can't.

The outings, the pool time, the swing set in the yard. Making the girls favorite breakfasts, getting Sarah goofy presents whenever we wanted--all of that is over. I'm not sure really where to go--I feel an emptiness both for the girls and me (selfishly). I know we have a great person lined up to watch them in Carissa--but it will never be the same. The only person I ever trusted to watch Cora when she was too small to tell us what she needed is going away. I can't go over, we won't be able to visit (soon), and I am afraid of the memories fading.

At the end of the day, Eric and I drove separately but both met there. He loaded up their 3 years worth of belongings while the kids took me around the house "one last time," showed me the basement, their crafts, and all the projects they had finished this week. Saying goodbye was hard. Really hard--and I get a lump in my throat every time I think about it even now. There probably will never be another person on this planet who knows those girls the way she does, and I am and forever will be grateful for everything Sarah is, has been, has shared, taught and given to our family, forever.

Love you, Sarah.